Standard Disclaimer


This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblence to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries nor included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by adressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition presists, consult your physician. No user-servicable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in Antarctica. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingrediants. Colours may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool, process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, undirect, incidential or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at locations stamped in code on top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booth for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stab. Do not drop. The surgeon general has determined that decapitation may be injurious to your health. Terms and conditions apply.
Avoid: edged weapons, firearms, orcs, giants, dragons, soldiers, mysterious one-eyed strangers, falling from a great height, diseases, deep water, fast-moving vehicles and animals, carnivores, bogs, qicksands, high-voltage electric currents, thermonuclear explosions, starvation, dehydration, jealous spouses, star-crossed love, political upheavals, earhquakes, mud-slides, lava flows, tidal waves, snakes, bears, wolves, various species of insect, pitfalls, landmines, devine retribution, poison, obesy, alcohol, narcotics, old age, royal disfavour, assassination, envy, malice, evil, poetic justice, inflammable materials, lightning, unjust or corrupt legal systems, grief, longing, suicidial tendencies, sharks, crocodiles, blunt instruments, falling trees, collapsing masonry, rope bridges over deep chasms, direct impact from asteroids or other similar extraterrestrial bodies, ice ages, global warming, curses, witchcraft, entropy, thin ice, killer jellyfish.

(Some years ago a friend gave me this disclaimer. I cannot tell where it came from. Should it be copyrighted, than the owner of the copyright may forgive me. On the original printout, however, there was no copyright.)